How To Handle 4 AM Worry Spirals | Bart van Melik

Overview

This episode dives into the pervasive issue of everyday worry and anxiety, featuring Bart van Melik, a seasoned dharma teacher and self-proclaimed worry warrior. Bart shares practical tools and insights for working skillfully with worry, exploring mindfulness, self-compassion, and the importance of community in navigating anxious thoughts.

Notable Quotes

- Worrying is almost like praying for stuff you don’t want. – Bart van Melik, on the nature of worry.

- What would kindness do right now? – Bart van Melik, on responding to worry with self-compassion.

- Greed feels like a hole in the heart, anger feels like a fire in the heart, and delusion feels like the truth. – DJ Kashmir, quoting Matthew Brensilver on the subtlety of delusion.

🧠 Understanding Everyday Worry

- Bart describes himself as a worry warrior, acknowledging his natural tendency to overthink and anticipate worst-case scenarios.

- He likens worrying to a dedicated mental habit, often rooted in evolutionary survival mechanisms.

- A key practice is pausing and acknowledging worry with phrases like, Here you are again, creating space to observe it without judgment.

🛠️ Tools for Managing Worry

- Bart emphasizes the importance of naming and feeling worry in the body, such as noticing physical sensations like curled-up toes.

- Practical tools include:

- Mindful breathing (though Bart admits it doesn’t always work).

- Asking, What would kindness do right now? to shift perspective.

- Exploring aversion to worry itself, allowing the unpleasant feelings to be fully felt.

- Using the phrase, This wants to be seen right now, to acknowledge and accept the presence of worry.

❓ The Power of Curiosity

- Bart highlights the transformative question, What is this? as a low-barrier entry point to awareness.

- This question fosters curiosity and interrupts the cycle of identifying with worry, even when the answer isn’t immediately clear.

- Recognizing confusion as confusion is another subtle but powerful practice, as delusion often masquerades as truth.

🌍 The Role of Community in Practice

- Bart underscores the importance of sharing fears and worries with others, noting that meditation thrives in community.

- He recalls the Buddha’s teaching that friendship is the first prerequisite for awakening.

- Bart’s Community Meditation Center in New York offers hybrid sessions to foster connection, emphasizing that even virtual sanghas can provide a sense of shared experience and support.

🧘‍♂️ Clinging and Letting Go

- Bart connects worry to the Buddha’s teaching on clinging, particularly clinging to opinions and mental narratives.

- He suggests that engaging in dialogue and reflecting with others can help loosen the grip of anxious thoughts.

- The practice ultimately aims to cultivate a kinder, more accepting relationship with oneself and one’s mind.