How To Handle Toxic Thoughts | Sebene Selassie and Jeff Warren

Overview

This episode dives into the challenges of navigating toxic thoughts, sticky emotions, and self-consciousness. Meditation teachers Sebene Selassie and Jeff Warren join Dan Harris to explore practical strategies for working with the mind, including the Buddhist concept of the Five Hindrances, the role of right effort, and the surprising connection between dancing and mindfulness.

Notable Quotes

- Unexamined thoughts are everything. Examined, they're little more than nothing. – Dan Harris, reflecting on the power of mindfulness.

- Dance is an expression of freedom, an embodiment of our inherent Buddha nature. – Aaron Schultz, on the connection between dancing and spiritual liberation.

- Shame is toxic. It’s never true that you are fundamentally wrong just by existing. – Jeff Warren, addressing the harmful nature of shame.

🧠 Handling Toxic Thoughts and Sticky Emotions

- Sebene Selassie describes thoughts as sneaky gnats and emphasizes the importance of working with emotions, which are often more tangible and felt in the body.

- Dan Harris shares a practice from Joseph Goldstein: investigating thoughts by asking, Where is it now? This reveals their fleeting and insubstantial nature.

- Jeff Warren introduces the neuroscience concept of affective realism, where emotions color our perception of reality, creating mood tunnels. He suggests patience and curiosity to break free from these cycles.

🧘‍♂️ The Five Hindrances in Meditation

- The Five Hindrances—craving, aversion, restlessness, sloth, and doubt—are described as sneaky obstacles that arise during meditation.

- Sebene Selassie advises slowing down and softening reactivity, asking, What’s happening right now? Can I allow this?

- Jeff Warren highlights the importance of welcoming difficult emotions with curiosity and compassion, rather than resisting them.

💃 Dancing and the Dharma

- Aaron Schultz connects dance to mindfulness, describing it as a universal expression of freedom and an opportunity to embody our inherent enlightenment.

- Dan Harris shares his self-consciousness around dancing, rooted in fear of judgment and lack of mastery.

- Sebene Selassie notes that discomfort with dance often stems from societal norms, while Jeff Warren suggests dancing with self-consciousness by exploring the physical sensations of judgment and fear.

- A listener proposes structured group dances, like line dancing, as a way to reduce pressure and foster collective movement.

🌟 Right Effort and Neurodivergence

- Dan Harris warns against the suffering caused by expectations in meditation, emphasizing that the quality of a sit is measured by mindfulness, not the experience itself.

- Jeff Warren encourages neurodivergent practitioners to embrace movement-based meditation practices, such as yoga or walking, to align with their natural energy.

- A listener shares their struggle with balancing adaptive practices and stillness, highlighting the importance of self-compassion and working with personal edges.

🛑 Working with Shame and Wise Remorse

- Jeff Warren explains that shame often signals unresolved trauma and advocates for self-compassion as a healing tool.

- Dan Harris contrasts shame with wise remorse, which involves learning from mistakes without self-condemnation.

- Sebene Selassie adds that shame is rooted in the belief I am terrible, while remorse focuses on I did something terrible. Modeling self-compassion for others, especially children, can be transformative.