Is It Possible To Improve Your Personality? The Science Says Yes. Here’s How To Do It. | Olga Khazan

Overview

This episode explores the science behind personality change, focusing on the Big Five personality traits—extroversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, neuroticism, and openness—and practical strategies for improving them. Journalist and author Olga Khazan shares her personal journey of attempting to reshape her personality, offering actionable insights and humorous anecdotes along the way.

Notable Quotes

- All we can do is everything we can do. – David Axelrod, quoted by Olga Hazan, on accepting limits while striving for success.

- Introverts need alone time to recharge, but that's not all they need. – Olga Hazan, on the importance of human connection for well-being.

- You can impose consequences and set boundaries without vilifying people and putting them in the bad bucket forever. – Dan Harris, on navigating relationships with empathy and clarity.

🧠 What Is Personality and Can It Change?

- Personality is defined as the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that come naturally to us, but it also serves as a tool to achieve goals, according to researcher Nate Hudson.

- While 30-50% of personality is genetic, environmental factors and deliberate techniques can influence traits.

- Olga Hazan emphasizes the concept of volitional personality change, where individuals actively shape traits like extroversion or agreeableness through intentional actions.

🎭 Tackling Extroversion: Building Social Connection

- Olga Hazan shares her struggle with introversion, which left her feeling isolated despite her need for human connection.

- Strategies she used: signing up for recurring activities like improv, hiking meetups, and sailing clubs to force herself into social situations.

- Practical tips for listeners:

- Start with micro-interactions, like chatting with baristas or neighbors.

- Commit to regular group activities to foster deeper connections.

- Seek quality interactions by embracing vulnerability and openness in conversations.

🗝️ Agreeableness and Setting Boundaries

- Agreeableness involves warmth, empathy, and trust, but it doesn’t mean being a pushover.

- Olga Hazan learned to manage anger and improve friendships by setting clear boundaries, such as saying no to unreasonable requests while offering alternative solutions.

- Practical advice:

- Use clear is kind communication to assert needs while maintaining empathy.

- Avoid passive aggression by addressing issues directly and kindly.

📅 Conscientiousness: The Art of Getting Things Done

- Conscientiousness is linked to organization, punctuality, and productivity. Olga Hazan interviewed individuals who struggled with this trait and found success through tools like to-do lists, time-blocking, and episodic future thinking.

- Episodic future thinking involves vividly imagining the positive or negative outcomes of tasks to motivate action.

- For those with ADHD, similar strategies—like using apps or outsourcing tasks—can bolster executive functioning.

🧘‍♀️ Reducing Neuroticism: Mindfulness and Mantras

- Neuroticism, characterized by anxiety and negative thought spirals, was a major challenge for Olga Hazan.

- Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) proved transformative, helping her manage worry and savor positive moments.

- Practical tips:

- Start small with brief meditations or mindfulness exercises.

- Use mantras like All we can do is everything we can do to reframe self-blame and uncertainty.

- Strengthen relationships to ease anxiety—never worry alone.

🌈 Openness and Psychedelics

- Openness encompasses creativity, curiosity, and a willingness to embrace new ideas and experiences.

- Psychedelics, under controlled conditions, have been shown to increase openness, though Olga Hazan cautions against casual use.

- For non-psychedelic approaches, explore new hobbies, travel, or engage with diverse perspectives to expand your worldview.