How to Be a Parent (Without Messing Everything Up) | Joe Hudson and Nathan Baschez

Overview

This episode dives into transformative parenting approaches, focusing on fostering connection, emotional attunement, and self-awareness in children. Joe Hudson and Nathan Baschez explore the principles of Hand-in-Hand Parenting, the importance of emotional repair, and how parenting can serve as a profound self-development practice.

Notable Quotes

- Messing up and making repair, showing them how that's done, showing them that we're all human and that we get to love our mistakes and own them—that lets us grow. — Joe Hudson, on the value of emotional repair in parenting.

- If everybody raised their kids with deep attunement and prioritizing connection, our world would be extremely different in 25 years. — Nathan Baschez, on the societal impact of connection-based parenting.

- Parenting is like a deep tissue massage. If you resist it, you're screwed. — Joe Hudson, on surrendering to the transformative nature of parenting.

🌱 The Foundations of Connection-Based Parenting

- Joe Hudson shares his journey from traditional parenting methods to adopting Hand-in-Hand Parenting, inspired by Patty Wipfler's book Listen.

- Key practices include stay listening (being present during a child’s emotional release) and play listening (using play to foster connection).

- Emotional attunement is emphasized: children need to feel connected, well-fed, rested, and emotionally supported to thrive.

- Nathan Baschez reflects on how reframing tantrums as a child’s adaptive attempt to reconnect transformed his parenting approach.

🧠 Emotional Repair and Its Transformative Power

- Joe Hudson highlights the importance of apologizing to children when mistakes are made, modeling emotional repair and accountability.

- Repair moments can dissolve harmful patterns and deepen parent-child relationships. For example, Joe recounts a moment of emotional healing with his teenage daughter that resolved a long-standing attachment issue.

- Emotional repair teaches children resilience and self-compassion, showing them how to navigate imperfections constructively.

📚 Age-Appropriate Parenting and Developmental Milestones

- Drawing from Waldorf education principles, Joe Hudson explains the importance of tailoring parenting approaches to developmental stages.

- Ages 0–8: Focus on helping children develop their will and connection to their bodies.

- Ages 7–8: Transition to intellectual learning and independence.

- Logical reasoning is less effective for young children; emotional regulation and connection are key to influencing behavior.

💡 Teaching Self-Awareness Over Obedience

- Joe Hudson advocates for teaching children to listen to their own internal states rather than blindly obeying authority.

- Instead of praising with Good job, parents can ask, How does that feel? to help children develop self-awareness and intrinsic motivation.

- This approach assumes that humans are inherently good and capable of making wise decisions when attuned to their inner selves.

❤️ Parenting as a Self-Development Practice

- Parenting offers profound opportunities for personal growth. Joe Hudson and his wife approached parenting as a spiritual practice, using challenges to deepen their self-awareness and emotional resilience.

- They implemented systems to support each other during moments of dysregulation, such as stepping in for one another when patience ran out.

- Joe emphasizes that parenting transforms adults as much as it shapes children, likening it to a gift of everything that changes one's worldview and sense of self.