How to Get People to Do What You Want | Barry Sonnenfeld | TED

Overview

Barry Sonnenfeld, a celebrated film director, shares nine humorous yet insightful lessons from his career in Hollywood. These lessons, while rooted in filmmaking, offer practical wisdom for navigating life, relationships, and leadership.

Notable Quotes

- Every time I get off an airplane, I view it as a failed suicide attempt. - Barry Sonnenfeld, on embracing pessimism.

- Never let your actors be funny. You want the audience to find the comedy. - Barry Sonnenfeld, on directing comedies.

- I can't hear you. I'm in the fort. - Barry Sonnenfeld, on handling bullies with humor.

🎭 The Art of Comedy and Pessimism

- Sonnenfeld argues that optimism can be overrated, advocating for a mindset of under-promise and overdeliver.

- In comedy, he emphasizes that the humor should emerge naturally from the scene, not from actors trying to be funny. Overly comedic costumes, lighting, or music can ruin the subtlety.

- His advice: let the audience discover the humor, and never announce you're working on a comedy.

⏰ The Importance of Punctuality

- A personal anecdote about missing a Jimi Hendrix performance due to his mother's strict curfew underscores his belief: Being early is being on time. Being on time is late.

- Sonnenfeld humorously blames his mother for Hendrix's early departure and eventual death, highlighting the lifelong impact of punctuality.

📈 Breaking the Ladder and Letting Others Decide

- Sonnenfeld advises against the traditional work your way up approach. His career began when he boldly presented himself as a cinematographer, leading to his first major project with the Coen brothers.

- He shares a key leadership tactic: make others feel like decisions are theirs. For example, he convinced Rob Reiner to adjust a scene by framing it as Reiner's choice, not his own.

🛡️ Handling Bullies with Humor

- Sonnenfeld recounts how he dealt with a notoriously aggressive producer by building a pillow fort during arguments. His playful defiance disarmed the bully without escalating conflict.

- The lesson: out-juvenile a bully to maintain control and protect your boundaries.

🍴 Practical and Quirky Life Hacks

- Always carry a photo of how you like your steak cooked to avoid miscommunication at restaurants.

- Never stand at the edge of group photos to avoid being cropped out or distorted by wide-angle lenses.

- Be willing to kill your darlings in creative work—cutting even beloved scenes if they don’t serve the bigger picture.