Dr. Becky on the surprising overlap between great parenting and great leadership

Overview

Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist and parenting expert, explores the surprising parallels between effective parenting and leadership. She shares actionable insights on building resilience, fostering trust, setting boundaries, and leading with empathy, all of which are applicable in both family and workplace dynamics.

Notable Quotes

- Perfect is creepy. Only non-humans can ever be perfect. – Dr. Becky Kennedy, on embracing imperfection in parenting and leadership.

- The quickest way to have an unproductive conversation is to lose sight of the fact that someone's good inside. – Dr. Becky Kennedy, on separating behavior from identity.

- This feels hard because it is hard, not because I'm doing something wrong. – Dr. Becky Kennedy, on reframing challenges in parenting and leadership.

🛠️ Repair Over Perfection

- Repairing relationships after mistakes is more impactful than striving for perfection.

- Secure attachment, whether in parenting or leadership, is built through repair, not flawless behavior.

- Example: Apologizing to a child or colleague after a misstep fosters trust and cooperation.

🤝 Connect Before You Correct

- Building trust requires connection before addressing issues.

- In parenting, this could mean acknowledging a child’s feelings before correcting their behavior.

- In the workplace, leaders can connect by showing empathy and understanding before providing constructive feedback.

🌟 The Good Inside Framework

- Separate behavior from identity: View individuals as inherently good, even when their behavior is problematic.

- Approach difficult conversations with the most generous interpretation (MGI) of someone’s actions.

- Example: Instead of labeling a perpetually late employee as lazy, assume they may be struggling with time management and work collaboratively to address the issue.

🚪 Setting Boundaries Effectively

- Boundaries are about what you will do, not what you ask others to do.

- A boundary requires no action from the other person, unlike a request.

- Example: Instead of asking a child not to press elevator buttons, stand between them and the buttons to enforce the boundary.

💪 Becoming a Sturdy Leader

- A sturdy leader acknowledges others' emotions without being overwhelmed by them.

- Use the I believe you, and I believe in you approach: Validate feelings while expressing confidence in their ability to overcome challenges.

- Example: Acknowledge an employee’s struggles with a project but affirm their capability to succeed, offering support along the way.

🎯 Resilience Over Short-Term Happiness

- Prioritize long-term resilience over immediate happiness, both in parenting and leadership.

- Allow individuals to face challenges and develop coping skills rather than shielding them from discomfort.

- Example: Encourage a child to complete a difficult puzzle or a team member to tackle a challenging project, emphasizing growth and capability.