Jeff Wetzler: The ASK Approach to Better Questions

Overview

This episode explores the transformative power of asking better questions, featuring Jeff Wetzler, author of Ask. Wetzler introduces his five-step ASK approach—Choose Curiosity, Make it Safe, Pose Quality Questions, Listen to Learn, and Reflect and Reconnect—offering actionable strategies to improve decision-making, deepen relationships, and foster innovation. The conversation delves into the psychology of curiosity, the pitfalls of poor questioning, and how leaders, parents, and individuals can master the art of inquiry.

Notable Quotes

- If you're only getting affirming feedback, chances are you're not asking the right questions in the right ways. – Jeff Wetzler, on the importance of critical feedback.

- Reflection is the difference between having 20 years of experience versus one year of experience 20 times over. – Jeff Wetzler, on the value of reflection in learning.

- Every single one of us has areas where we can grow faster, deepen relationships, and make better decisions—if we ask the right questions. – Jeff Wetzler, on the universal need for curiosity.

🧠 The Psychology of Asking Questions

- Jeff Wetzler explains that humans often default to assumptions, leading to poor decision-making. He emphasizes that even trained professionals, like TSA agents, are unreliable at reading body language.

- Empathy, while valuable, can be risky if based solely on untested assumptions. True empathy involves asking questions to validate perceptions.

- Wetzler introduces the concept of curiosity sparks, encouraging individuals to challenge their initial narratives by asking, What else might be going on here?

🔑 The Five-Step ASK Approach

1. Choose Curiosity: Genuine curiosity is foundational. Without it, questions feel inauthentic.

2. Make it Safe: Psychological safety is critical for eliciting honest answers. Leaders must lower barriers by creating non-intimidating environments, such as informal settings like cafeterias or casual walks.

3. Pose Quality Questions: Avoid crummy questions like Does that make sense? Instead, ask open-ended questions like What’s your reaction? or What else?

4. Listen to Learn: Effective listening goes beyond surface-level answers. Techniques like pulling the thread (e.g., asking Can you elaborate?) and tell back and test (e.g., summarizing and confirming understanding) help uncover deeper insights.

5. Reflect and Reconnect: Reflection turns insights into actionable steps. Wetzler suggests sifting key takeaways and turning them over to evaluate their impact on your story, actions, and biases. Closing the loop by sharing what you’ve learned fosters trust and collaboration.

👩‍🏫 Teaching Curiosity and Questioning Skills

- Parents can nurture curiosity by encouraging children’s natural tendency to ask questions. Avoid discouraging their inquiries, and explore answers together.

- Leaders can model curiosity by admitting when they don’t know something, rewarding thoughtful questions, and hiring for curiosity.

- Schools often suppress curiosity, with children asking significantly fewer questions in classrooms compared to at home. Wetzler urges educators to create environments that celebrate inquiry.

📊 Diagnosing and Improving Question-Asking Skills

- Wetzler suggests analyzing the ratio of statements to questions in conversations. A high statement-to-question ratio indicates poor inquiry skills.

- Leaders who don’t receive critical feedback are likely failing to ask the right questions.

- Open-ended questions starting with what or how yield richer responses compared to yes/no questions.

🏆 Question-Asking Role Models

- CEOs like Bill George and Irene Rosenfeld prioritize creating safe environments for honest feedback, such as informal lunches or ride-alongs.

- Journalists like Amanda Ripley disarm interviewees by admitting ignorance and inviting them to share their perspectives.

- Politicians like Deval Patrick exemplify the power of listening tours to ground policies in real-world concerns.