From Defensiveness to Discovery: How to Stop Assuming the Worst
🤖 AI Summary
Overview
This episode explores the human tendency to assume the worst in the absence of clear feedback, diving into how evolutionary survival instincts and inner criticism shape our default narratives. The hosts, Sophie Chiche and Katie Hendricks, share practical tools to shift from fear-based thinking to curiosity, presence, and connection, offering strategies to retrain the mind and foster deeper relationships with ourselves and others.
Notable Quotes
- In the absence of information, we make up stories. And the stories are almost always what's wrong.
– Katie Hendricks
- I am an ally to myself. That’s where it all starts.
– Sophie Chiche
- Shifting from defensiveness to discovery transforms the moment from fear to connection.
– Katie Hendricks
🧠 Why We Assume the Worst
- Katie Hendricks explains that our brains are wired with a negativity bias
from evolutionary survival instincts, making us anticipate danger even when none exists.
- Sophie Chiche highlights how this bias manifests in self-critical narratives, such as assuming failure when feedback is unclear.
- Both hosts emphasize that these patterns are deeply ingrained but can be retrained through intentional practice.
🔄 The Loop of Awareness
- Katie Hendricks introduces the loop of awareness,
a practice of alternating attention between oneself and others to foster co-creation and connection.
- She shares her experience of giving a TED Talk where bright lights disrupted her ability to read the audience, leading to self-doubt. By shifting focus to her body and curiosity, she regained presence.
- The loop helps interrupt fear-based thinking and re-establish flow, even in high-pressure situations.
🛠️ Tools to Interrupt Negative Narratives
- Sophie Chiche suggests using the phrase, I’m making up a story,
to acknowledge and externalize self-critical thoughts. This opens space for curiosity and connection.
- Katie Hendricks recommends physical grounding techniques, like feeling your feet or wiggling, to shift from fear to presence.
- Both hosts stress the importance of practicing self-compassion and treating oneself as an ally rather than an adversary.
💬 Authentic Communication in Relationships
- Sophie Chiche shares a personal story of reconnecting with her brother by openly naming her assumptions and inviting dialogue. This approach diffused tension and deepened understanding.
- Katie Hendricks highlights the value of creating invitations
in conversations, such as asking permission to share direct feedback, to foster openness and trust.
- The hosts discuss the importance of assessing relational depth (elevator levels
) and recognizing when someone is unavailable for deeper connection.
🌟 From Criticism to Curiosity
- Katie Hendricks recounts how she and her partner committed to ending blame and criticism in their relationship, transforming their dynamic through curiosity and mutual support.
- Shifting from uh-oh, something’s wrong
to hmm, what’s emerging here?
reframes challenges as opportunities for discovery.
- Both hosts encourage listeners to practice seeing themselves and others as allies, cultivating a mindset of wonder and possibility.
AI-generated content may not be accurate or complete and should not be relied upon as a sole source of truth.
📋 Episode Description
We all do it.
When there’s silence, ambiguity, or the absence of clear feedback, we fill in the blanks with stories. But here’s the problem: our minds don’t reach for generous interpretations.
They default to criticism, fear, and doubt. Whether it’s giving a talk, navigating a friendship, or reflecting on ourselves, we often assume the worst, even when reality is far more kind. Evolutionary survival instincts, societal conditioning, and inner critics keep us stuck in fear-based thinking. What if there was a powerful alternative (spoiler alert, there is!) - reconnecting to the present moment, our curiosity, and embodied awareness brings us back to center so that we can really see the truth in front of us.
But what happens when we let those made-up stories dictate our behavior, disconnecting us from others and ourselves?
In this episode, we unpack the human tendency to assume the worst, especially in the absence of feedback. We dive into how we can stop making up stories and start living from wonder instead.
Things You’ll Learn in This Episode
-From defensiveness to discovery
Why does your mind automatically assume the worst when you don’t have all the information? How can you retrain it to lead with curiosity instead?
-The power of “I’m making up a story”
How does owning your internal narrative out loud open the door to deeper connection, especially in moments of tension or misunderstanding?
-The loop of awareness
What happens when we shift attention between ourselves and others, and how can this “loop” help us co-create instead of self-isolate?
-Reconnect through the body
Why does presence live in your body, not your head, and how can physical awareness stop fear from spiraling into self-doubt?
About Your Hosts
Katie Hendricks, Ph.D., BC-DMT, is a pioneer in body intelligence and conscious loving with over 40 years of experience. Known internationally as a presenter and seminar leader, she focuses on authenticity, responsibility, and appreciation in conscious living. She co-authored 12 books, including best-sellers Conscious Loving and Conscious Loving Ever After and she has appeared on over 500 radio and TV programs.
Sophie Chiche is a seasoned coach and consultant who has worked with thousands of individuals and teams globally. With a focus on helping people live fully expressed lives, she guides clients and facilitates group sessions to remove obstacles and design meaningful lives. Sophie has developed unique methods, mindset shifts, and healing modalities to create lasting change.