Why Your Goals Are Making You Miserable

Overview

This episode explores the nuanced relationship between goals and personal fulfillment, emphasizing how aligning goals with genuine desires can unlock creativity, connection, and growth. Brett and Joe discuss how to set goals that reflect deeper truths, the role of principles and metrics, and the importance of celebrating failures as part of the journey.

Notable Quotes

- Living as if the goal has already succeeded is part of how the goals help you get to the place. – Joe Hudson, on embodying the mindset of achievement.

- Simply the way that you relate to goals is a really good indicator of how you're relating to yourself. – Brett Kistler, on the deeper implications of goal-setting.

- "We like building *. It is a very creative part, and that's why it's called the art of accomplishment, not how to ***** accomplish it."* – Joe Hudson, on the playful and artistic nature of pursuing goals.

🎯 The Purpose of Goals

- Goals are not just about achieving outcomes but about asking the right questions and aligning actions with deeper desires.

- Joe Hudson highlights how goals can unlock creativity, citing examples from sports and business where striving for seemingly unattainable goals led to breakthroughs.

- Misaligned goals, such as those imposed by external pressures or trauma, can lead to self-abuse and dissatisfaction.

🧠 Aligning Goals with Genuine Wants

- Goals should stem from authentic desires rather than societal expectations or internalized critical voices.

- Joe Hudson suggests a method to uncover true wants: repeatedly asking, What’s the need behind that want? to drill down to core motivations.

- Brett Kistler emphasizes the importance of allowing goals to evolve with shifting desires, avoiding the trap of chasing outdated ambitions.

📊 Principles and Metrics in Goal-Setting

- Principles act as a North Star, ensuring alignment across personal and organizational goals. Metrics, meanwhile, serve as dashboards to track progress without becoming the goal itself.

- Joe Hudson warns against conflating metrics with goals, such as equating Instagram followers with being loved.

- In organizations, goals should be set by those responsible for their outcomes, fostering ownership and alignment.

🎉 Celebrating Failures and Growth

- Failure is reframed as an opportunity for learning and connection. Joe Hudson shares how his team celebrated failures during an offsite, finding it more fulfilling than celebrating successes.

- Holding goals gently, with love and curiosity, prevents shame and rigidity while fostering growth and resilience.

🌀 The Paradox of Goal-Setting

- While goals provide direction, Joe Hudson and Brett Kistler explore the paradox of achieving a goal-less state, where goals serve as tools for self-discovery rather than definitions of self-worth.

- Living as if the goal is already achieved can shift mindset and behavior, creating alignment with the desired outcome.