‘Modern Love’: The Kind of Pain She Wanted

Overview

This episode explores Grace Hussar's journey from being an overthinker to finding mental clarity and presence through endurance running and, later, rope play and kink. Grace shares how these experiences helped her reconnect with her body, process trauma, and redefine control and vulnerability in her life.

Notable Quotes

- I was hoping to find a different part of my brain. I was hoping to uncover something that I hadn't seen before in myself. - Grace Hussar, on her motivation for exploring rope play.

- The animal is not self-conscious. - Grace Hussar, reflecting on how embracing her body as a tool transformed her self-perception.

- You're not looking to have control taken from you. You're looking to be relieved of the ownership of being in control. - Grace Hussar, on the essence of submission in kink.

🧠 Overthinking and the Search for Presence

- Grace Hussar describes her lifelong struggle with overthinking, which often left her disconnected from important moments, such as the first time her boyfriend said I love you.

- She found relief in ultra running, where the physical pain forced her brain to turn off, allowing her to feel fully present.

- This realization sparked her curiosity about other ways to achieve the same mental clarity, leading her to explore kink.

🏃‍♀️ Endurance Running as a Gateway

- Ultra running, which involves extreme distances of 31 miles or more, became a transformative experience for Grace.

- She described the physical toll as liberating, saying, You become a physical being without the burden of a body.

- The mental fulfillment she experienced after her first ultra marathon inspired her to seek out other forms of controlled pain.

🔗 The Role of Pain and Kink in Self-Discovery

- Grace's exploration of kink began with curiosity about rope play, which she discovered through the social networking site FetLife.

- She was drawn to the idea of submission as a way to relinquish control without losing agency.

- Her first rope session with Peter, an experienced practitioner, was meticulously planned, emphasizing consent and safety. This experience helped her feel both vulnerable and empowered.

💪 Reclaiming Power and Processing Trauma

- Grace shared how past trauma had shaped her relationship with her body and intimacy, making her feel disconnected and passive.

- Rope play allowed her to reclaim control, as she actively set boundaries and decided when to stop.

- The experience helped her redefine sex and intimacy as something she could fully participate in, rather than something that happened to her.

🌿 Transforming Self-Perception

- Both ultra running and rope play shifted Grace's view of her body from an object to be judged to a tool to be appreciated.

- She likened this transformation to the simplicity of animals, saying, You never see a grizzly bear being like, ‘God, if I could lose this last 20 pounds.’

- This newfound perspective empowered her in other areas of life, including her roles as a mother and professional.