What Successful Negotiators Do Differently | Kathryn Valentine | TED

Overview

Kathryn Valentine explores the challenges women face in workplace negotiations, highlighting the impact of gender norms and biases. She introduces a research-backed, practical formula tailored for women to negotiate effectively and authentically, helping them achieve their goals while minimizing backlash.

Notable Quotes

- What if I told you there's another way, a better way, a more authentic way, designed especially for women, that will make you much more likely to get what you're asking for? – Kathryn Valentine, on rethinking negotiation strategies for women.

- We continue to use strategies built for men. That’s what I did, and it earned me a VIP seat on the sidewalk. – Kathryn Valentine, reflecting on her failed negotiation experience.

- We only get this one life. And you get to decide what yours looks like. Not your boss, not your parents, not your partner, not your kids. You. – Kathryn Valentine, on reclaiming agency in decision-making.

💬 The Gender Gap in Negotiation

- Women negotiate as frequently as men but succeed only half as often, facing higher risks of backlash.

- Gender norms often penalize women for assertiveness, leading to missed opportunities, lower earnings, and mental health challenges.

- Traditional negotiation advice is often designed for men, leaving women at a disadvantage when they follow it.

📚 The Relational Ask: A Game-Changer

- Research by Hannah Riley Bowles (Harvard) and Linda Babcock (Carnegie Mellon) reveals that using a relational ask increases women's success rates in negotiations while strengthening relationships.

- A relational ask also significantly reduces the risk of backlash, allowing women to negotiate without fear of negative repercussions.

🧮 The Negotiation Formula

- Valentine introduces a four-part formula:

1. Past Performance: Highlight your achievements.

2. Future Vision: Align your goals with shared objectives.

3. The Ask: Clearly state what you want.

4. Collaborative Question: Invite dialogue to find a solution together.

- Example: Instead of saying, I deserve to be promoted, reframe it as, As you know, I exceeded my sales targets by 10% last year. I think I can do it again this year, but in order to do that, I need the credibility that comes with a director title. What do you think?

⏳ The Urgency of Change

- Waiting for gender parity could take 191 years, making immediate tools like the negotiation formula essential for women today.

- AI, while promising, is currently limited by biases in the data it processes, making it an unreliable solution for addressing gender inequities in negotiation.

🌟 Empowering Women to Take Control

- Women often prioritize others' needs over their own, but Valentine emphasizes the importance of defining and pursuing personal goals.

- Sharing these tools with other women can create a ripple effect, empowering more individuals to negotiate for the lives they want.