How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin

Overview

This episode dives into the importance of etiquette for founders and professionals, particularly in Silicon Valley, where trust and first impressions are critical. Sam Lessin, a partner at Slow Ventures and former VP of Product at Facebook, shares his framework for showing up confidently in any room, with practical tips on introductions, small talk, meetings, dining, and more. The conversation highlights how mastering etiquette can help build trust, project confidence, and avoid unnecessary social missteps.

Notable Quotes

- Etiquette is almost a skill for how to show up in a room with a low heart rate. – Sam Lessin, on the essence of etiquette.

- If you show up like a little Energizer bunny, you're going to scare everyone off. – Sam Lessin, on maintaining calm and confidence in high-stakes situations.

- You kind of want to show up with the self-confidence and the calm of abundance. – Sam Lessin, on projecting trustworthiness and avoiding a scarcity mindset.

🧑‍💼 Why Etiquette Matters in Silicon Valley

- Sam Lessin emphasizes that etiquette is critical for building trust, especially in a world where technology and data-sharing require strong interpersonal relationships.

- Founders often overlook etiquette, focusing solely on their product, but poor social skills can harm partnerships and opportunities.

- Etiquette is about signaling respect, confidence, and cultural awareness, which are essential for long-term success.

🤝 Mastering Introductions and Conversations

- Be early to meetings but not excessively so—10-15 minutes is ideal.

- Use a firm handshake and repeat names to show attentiveness.

- Avoid dominating conversations; think of them as a game of ping-pong where both parties contribute equally.

- Practice self-deprecating humor and avoid jokes that could alienate or offend.

- Learn to gracefully exit conversations by introducing others or signaling the end subtly.

🍽️ Dining and Social Etiquette

- Avoid ordering the most expensive item on the menu and follow the host's lead when ordering.

- Always offer to pay, even if you expect to be declined, and tip generously to avoid being memorable for the wrong reasons.

- Use simple dining hacks like B for bread, D for drinks to navigate table settings.

- Clean up after yourself in meetings or meals to show respect for the space and hosts.

📅 Scheduling and Communication Tips

- Avoid defaulting to tools like Calendly unless absolutely necessary; instead, offer specific times to accommodate the other person.

- Respect time zones and avoid scheduling meetings at inconvenient hours for others.

- Proofread emails, keep them concise, and avoid overusing emojis, which can come across as overly casual or unprofessional.

- Pay attention to the order of recipients in emails, as it signals hierarchy and importance.

👔 Dressing and Presentation

- Dress one level above the expected attire for the event, but avoid overdoing it.

- Focus on fit over brand—well-tailored, inexpensive clothing often makes a better impression than ill-fitting luxury items.

- For virtual meetings, ensure your background is tidy and professional, and avoid distracting virtual backgrounds.