So You’re Not Dead Yet: Lessons From Chemotherapy | Tara Howley with Guest Michael Nagle

Overview

This episode features Michael Nagel, a member of the Art of Accomplishment community, as he reflects on his journey with metastatic colon cancer. Through candid and profound insights, Michael explores themes of mortality, community, vulnerability, and the paradoxical beauty of life amidst struggle.

Notable Quotes

- It's almost this image of, like, the 'why not now?' just kind of infects people. – Michael Nagel, on how his proximity to mortality inspires others to act.

- Grief and gratitude. Those are the two big ones. – Michael Nagel, on the emotional duality of living with terminal illness.

- If I'm going to say yes to chemo, what would I ever say no to in life? – Michael Nagel, on embracing life’s challenges with radical acceptance.

🌌 The Psychedelic of Mortality

- Michael describes the heightened awareness and urgency that comes with facing mortality, calling it the psychedelic of mortality.

- He notes how this awareness impacts his relationships, making it harder to leave things unsaid and inspiring others to confront their own deferred desires.

- Spending time in the space of what if there's not a later? has led to transformative changes in both his life and the lives of those around him.

🤝 The Messiness of Receiving Support

- Michael shares the vulnerability of relying on others, admitting, I hate it, as someone who once prided himself on self-sufficiency.

- He reflects on the spontaneous community that has formed around him, providing care, cooking, and companionship, which he describes as both deeply protective and profoundly humbling.

- This shift from being a giver to a receiver has forced him to confront his discomfort with dependence and embrace the messiness of interdependence.

💔 Grief, Gratitude, and Denial

- Michael identifies grief and gratitude as the two dominant emotions in his experience, often coexisting in paradoxical harmony.

- He acknowledges the protective role of denial, which allows him to function and create while facing the reality of his condition.

- By holding space for both denial and heartbreak, Michael finds moments of acceptance and even joy, asking, What if this isn’t just tragic?

🌀 Radical Choice and Acceptance

- Michael discusses the importance of accepting the possibility of death to make empowered choices about his treatment, such as continuing chemotherapy.

- He likens this acceptance to a trust fall, where he must rely on his community and his own inner resolve.

- This perspective allows him to approach even the most extreme challenges, like chemotherapy, with a sense of agency and curiosity.

🌱 The Joy of Struggle and Living Fully

- Despite the pain and uncertainty, Michael expresses a deep love for life, finding joy even in struggle and resistance.

- He emphasizes the importance of living in the present, saying, If not now, I don’t have a later anymore.

- His journey has inspired him to explore mind-body healing, deepen his relationships, and embrace the richness of life, no matter how unconventional or challenging.