How to Nurture Long-Distance Friendships (W/ Aminatou Sow) | How to Be a Better Human | TED

Overview

This episode explores the intricacies of maintaining meaningful friendships, especially long-distance ones, and challenges societal norms around self-improvement. Aminatou Sow, co-author of Big Friendship and creator of the newsletter Crème de la Crème, shares insights on communication, authenticity, and the absurdity of life.

Notable Quotes

- Being alive is not serious business. It’s serious, but it’s also very absurd and unserious. – Aminatou Sow, on embracing the absurdity of existence.

- You’re not going to survive alone. Find someone else who’s trying to survive. – Aminatou Sow, on the importance of community.

- I climbed this ladder as the steps were disintegrating. – Aminatou Sow, on navigating a changing media landscape.

🫂 The Work of Friendship

- Aminatou Sow emphasizes that friendships, like romantic relationships, require effort and communication to thrive.

- She and her co-author, Ann Friedman, wrote Big Friendship to address the lack of cultural guidance on maintaining adult friendships.

- Life transitions—career peaks, caregiving, and romantic relationships—often challenge friendships, making intentionality crucial.

- Practical advice: Communicate openly about challenges, express love despite time constraints, and find small, meaningful ways to connect (e.g., sending postcards).

📬 Navigating Long-Distance Relationships

- The pandemic highlighted the challenges of maintaining connections, but Aminatou’s experience with long-distance friendships offered her resilience.

- She notes that adapting to life changes—like new work schedules or relocations—is key to sustaining relationships.

- Creativity in showing up for friends, even from afar, is essential.

🖋️ Authenticity in Writing and Life

- Aminatou’s newsletter, Crème de la Crème, reflects her varied interests and her rejection of rigid self-improvement ideals.

- She critiques the Western obsession with constant self-betterment, advocating instead for self-acceptance and philosophical exploration of identity.

- Writing, for her, is a way to organize her thoughts and embrace the humor and absurdity of life.

🌍 The Myth of Having It Together

- Growing up in Nigeria, Aminatou observed that everyone, regardless of status, is navigating their own messiness.

- She rejects the illusion that some people have life figured out, calling it a pervasive scam.

- Honesty about personal struggles fosters deeper connections and dismantles the pressure to perform perfection.

🤝 Community as Survival

- When asked how to survive life, Aminatou underscores the importance of community over individualism.

- She highlights the value of friendships that aren’t tied to romance or family, focusing on mutual support and shared goals.

- Grief, she notes, is a universal experience that connects people and offers opportunities for growth and understanding.