Why You Feel Guilty For Wanting Things

Overview

This episode explores the complex relationship people have with their desires and how embracing one's wants can lead to profound personal transformation. Joe Hudson and Alexa Kistler delve into the emotional, psychological, and societal barriers to owning desires, and they offer actionable insights for overcoming these challenges.

Notable Quotes

- When you own your want, you have to own the fact that it's okay for you to have it. – Joe Hudson

- Wanting is aliveness. – Alexa Kistler

- If you think that want is going to solve anything, you're kind of screwed. – Joe Hudson

🌱 The Nature of Wanting

- Wanting is an emotional experience, akin to feeling sadness or joy. It’s not just about the object of desire but the act of wanting itself. (Joe Hudson)

- Many people resist their wants due to societal conditioning, often rooted in childhood experiences where they were taught to prioritize others' needs over their own. (Joe Hudson)

- Women, in particular, are often socialized to suppress their desires, perceiving them as selfish or dangerous. (Alexa Kistler)

🌀 The Consequences of Suppressing Wants

- Suppressing desires leads to codependency, resentment, and miscommunication in relationships. For example, people may express their wants indirectly or with hostility, damaging connections. (Joe Hudson)

- In business, leaders who prioritize caretaking over clear communication of their goals often create dysfunctional environments. (Joe Hudson)

- Suppressed desires can also result in self-sabotage, such as lottery winners losing their wealth due to internal conflicts about deserving success. (Joe Hudson)

🛠️ Practical Steps to Embrace Wanting

- Begin by feeling the sensation of wanting without attaching it to a specific object or outcome. This practice helps dissolve resistance to desire. (Joe Hudson)

- Write down what you don’t want, then identify the underlying wants behind those aversions. This shift from avoidance to ownership is transformative. (Joe Hudson, Alexa Kistler)

- Clearly and cleanly express your wants in relationships, even if they can’t be fulfilled immediately. This fosters trust and clarity. (Alexa Kistler)

🔥 The Difference Between Wanting and Craving

- Craving is an obsessive attachment to a desire, often driven by the belief that achieving it will solve deeper issues. This leads to suffering. (Joe Hudson)

- True wanting, on the other hand, is a natural and enjoyable state. Fully embracing the feeling of wanting reduces its power to control or manipulate you. (Joe Hudson, Alexa Kistler)

- The key is to love the process of wanting and doing, rather than fixating on the outcome. For example, successful individuals often thrive because they enjoy the journey, not just the results. (Joe Hudson)

🌟 Identity and Evolution Through Wanting

- Owning your desires requires a shift in identity, which can feel vulnerable but is essential for personal growth. (Joe Hudson)

- Many people fear owning their wants because it challenges their current self-concept and may provoke resistance from others. (Joe Hudson)

- Embracing your wants can dissolve victim or bully narratives, empowering you to take responsibility for your life and relationships. (Alexa Kistler)