How To Stop Seeking Approval

Overview

This episode delves into the art of speaking your truth and letting go of the need for external approval. It explores the psychological and somatic mechanisms behind self-validation, the societal and personal conditioning that fosters approval-seeking, and practical strategies for cultivating authenticity and self-referencing.

Notable Quotes

- If you speak your truth, then you're approving of yourself, and you don't have to go looking outside for it. – Joe Hudson, on the transformative power of self-validation.

- The amazing thing is that oftentimes when I'm working with clients and they're talking about how to speak their truth, one of the things that I notice is that somatically, oftentimes at the beginning, there's a pucker to it. Oh my God, am I gonna say that? That's usually like a great moment to know, oh yeah, that's the thing to say. – Joe Hudson, on recognizing the somatic cues of authenticity.

- You can't make people happy. Somebody's always going to be unhappy with you. And the same person might be happy with you one day and unhappy the next because that's how humans are. – Joe Hudson, on the futility of external validation.

🗣️ Speaking Your Truth as Self-Validation

- Joe Hudson shares a personal story about his daughter, who realized that seeking approval meant sacrificing authenticity. By choosing to speak her truth, she stopped seeking external validation and began approving of herself.

- Speaking your truth is framed as a somatic experience, often accompanied by a sense of surrender or vulnerability.

- The act of self-validation through truth-telling shifts the focus from external approval to internal alignment, fostering self-possession and authenticity.

🤔 Intuition vs. Conditioning

- The hosts discuss how to discern whether a decision stems from intuition or conditioning. Joe Hudson emphasizes the importance of somatic awareness, noting that intuition often feels open-hearted, while unhealthy conditioning feels constrictive.

- Conditioning isn't inherently negative—some patterns, like safety habits, are beneficial. However, recognizing and breaking free from harmful conditioning requires attunement to bodily sensations.

- Brett Kistler highlights the somatic difference between speaking from intuition (vulnerability and openness) versus speaking from tribal morality (defensiveness and constriction).

💭 Overcoming Doubt and Fear of Consequences

- Doubt often arises from external referencing, such as trying to make others happy or fearing their judgment. Joe Hudson explains that doubt requires a closed heart and often stems from childhood patterns of self-blame.

- Fear of consequences can be mitigated by viewing decisions as part of a portfolio rather than isolated bets. This perspective allows for long-term growth and resilience.

- The hosts encourage listeners to focus on the process of truth-telling rather than fixating on outcomes, trusting that the world will respond to their authenticity.

🧘 Practical Practices for Authenticity

- Speak your truth twice a day, starting with small, uncomfortable truths and gradually expanding. Ensure your heart is open and you remain grounded while doing so.

- Develop somatic awareness by keeping 10% of your attention in your body throughout the day. This helps distinguish intuition from negative conditioning.

- For those who struggle to feel their body, Joe Hudson suggests simple exercises like tapping fingers or touching your face to build somatic connection.

⚠️ Avoiding Weaponization of Truth-Telling

- Truth-telling can be weaponized when done with a closed heart or defensiveness, leading to harm rather than connection.

- Radical honesty, while valuable, can become abusive if not grounded in open-heartedness. Joe Hudson stresses the importance of prioritizing connection when speaking your truth.

- Authentic truth-telling involves vulnerability and a willingness to repair relationships if unintended harm occurs.